Becoming a new mother is like opening a can of worms—except the worms are opinions, judgments, and unsolicited advice from complete strangers. Whether it's at the grocery store, in line at the coffee shop, or at a family gathering, the comments just keep on coming. And while some might be well-meaning, others can make you want to scream into your burp cloth. So, let’s arm you with some witty comebacks for those inevitable encounters with well-intentioned know-it-alls.
Ah, the classic sleep question! Newsflash: babies are not robots. They don’t just power down at bedtime and wake up at a reasonable hour. So when a stranger asks if your baby is “sleeping through the night,” it’s basically like asking if you’ve found a unicorn in your backyard.
Why It’s Annoying: It implies that if your baby isn’t sleeping through the night, you’re somehow failing as a parent. But research shows that 37% of infants don't sleep through the night by six months, and that's completely normal.
How to Respond: “Nope, but luckily I thrive on three hours of sleep and cold coffee!” Keep it light and move on.
Nothing says "I have no concept of boundaries" quite like a stranger asking about your boobs. Whether you’re breastfeeding or not, this one comes with a side dish of guilt and a hefty helping of judgment.
Why It’s Annoying: This comment assumes that every mom can and should breastfeed, which isn’t always the case. Moms who can’t or choose not to breastfeed can feel shame and pressure due to this kind of unsolicited advice.
How to Respond: “We’re feeding our baby in a way that works for us. Thanks for your concern, though!” Translation: Mind your own business, Carol.
Thanks, Sherlock! You’ve cracked the case wide open—new mothers are tired! Yes, I am wearing yesterday’s spit-up-stained shirt, but that doesn't mean I want a stranger reminding me of my raccoon eyes.
Why It’s Annoying: It feels like a backhanded compliment and doesn’t help when a mom is already feeling overwhelmed.
How to Respond: “Well, the baby is sleeping like a baby. And I’m…here.” It’s humorous, truthful, and it ends the conversation quickly.
Someone’s been reading too many outdated parenting manuals. Here’s the deal: Babies cry because that’s their job. They’re not plotting to manipulate us with their cries.
Why It’s Annoying: This outdated idea that you can "spoil" a baby by holding them too much is scientifically unfounded. Research shows that responding to a baby’s cries promotes secure attachment and helps with emotional development.
How to Respond: “Well, since babies don’t cry just to ruin my day, I’ll keep on comforting mine.” Mic drop.
This one isn’t just annoying; it’s a thinly veiled judgment wrapped in an "I did better than you" bow. Everyone’s situation is different, and going back to work is a personal choice that depends on a million factors.
Why It’s Annoying: It implies that staying home with a newborn is a luxury rather than a personal or necessary choice. Parental leave policies vary, and every family's needs are different.
How to Respond: “We’ve chosen what works best for our family—just like you did for yours!” This keeps it neutral but shuts down any comparison.
The rose-tinted advice from someone who clearly doesn’t remember the sleepless nights, diaper explosions, and constant feedings. It’s sweet in theory but feels dismissive in practice.
Why It’s Annoying: It creates pressure to feel like you should be cherishing every single moment, even the ones where you’re elbow-deep in a diaper blowout.
How to Respond: “I’m doing my best to enjoy the sweet moments between the chaos, thanks!” It’s a polite way to say, “Stop romanticizing my exhaustion.”
Nothing like a little side-eye about your baby’s size to really brighten your day. Babies, much like adults, come in all shapes and sizes. There’s no one-size-fits-all here!
Why It’s Annoying: It can make a mom feel anxious about her child’s growth, despite the fact that babies grow at their own pace.
How to Respond: “Our pediatrician is happy with their growth, and so are we!” Simple, factual, and dismissive of further judgment.
Yes, because I need to be worried about the teenage years when I’m currently focused on making it through the next diaper change. Let’s stay in the present, shall we?
Why It’s Annoying: It suggests that the struggles of parenting only get worse, rather than acknowledging the unique joys and challenges of each stage.
How to Respond: “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, I’m focused on today!” A solid way to shut down future-tripping.
Look, strangers are going to comment. It’s what they do. But with a few solid responses in your back pocket, you can navigate these conversations with a smile, a wink, and maybe even a little bit of fun. Remember, mama, you’re doing great, and you’ve got the best comebacks in town to prove it.