Am I Spoiling My Baby?

Nighttime Comfort and the Guilt Every Parent Feels

I remember standing over the crib at 2:47 AM, half-asleep, holding my baby with one arm and Googling "Am I spoiling my newborn by picking them up at night?" with the other. My partner was passed out, the sound machine was whispering fake rain, and I had just survived the fourth wake-up since midnight. My nipples were sore, my patience thinner than a hospital blanket, and I was caught in this weird tug-of-war between "my baby needs me" and "everyone says I'm supposed to let them self-soothe." You know that feeling when your heart says one thing, but the internet, your mother-in-law, and that sleep training TikTok all scream another? Yeah. That.

This post is for you, the mom sitting in that exact swirl of guilt, doubt, and exhaustion. Maybe someone told you you're creating "bad sleep habits." Maybe you read a blog post that shamed you for rocking your baby to sleep. Or maybe you're like I was: desperately craving sleep, but somehow more devastated by the idea of your baby crying alone in the dark. Let's cut through the noise. This isn't a sleep training how-to or a judgment-fest. It's a deep breath, a virtual hug, and a reminder that comforting your baby is not spoiling them—it's wiring their brain for safety.

The Real Deal: What Science (and Moms) Say About Night Waking

Here's the truth: waking up at night is biologically normal for babies. We've been conditioned to think it's a "problem" that needs to be fixed by 3 months old, but that's just not how infant development works. According to pediatric sleep researchers and attachment psychologists (yes, there are real experts out here), babies are born with immature nervous systems. Nighttime soothing—holding, rocking, feeding—is literally how they learn to regulate stress and develop secure attachments.

And guess what? Securely attached babies don't grow up "spoiled." They grow up confident and independent. Responding to your baby at night doesn't teach them to manipulate you—it teaches them the world is safe and that their needs matter. Sounds a lot better than "bad habits," right?

Reddit Said It First: We're All Questioning Ourselves

You ever scroll Reddit at 3AM and feel like those anonymous moms get you more than your own family? Same. One of the top-voted posts in r/NewParents was literally titled, "Is it okay that I cuddle my baby to sleep every night?" Hundreds of comments poured in, not with shaming—but with solidarity. One mom wrote, "I rock my baby to sleep because it feels right. That's all the reason I need." Another said, "We contact nap, bedshare, bounce, sway… whatever it takes. He won't be a baby forever."

It's so easy to feel like you're doing it wrong—especially when the world pushes independence over connection. But real moms are rewriting the rules. There's no one-size-fits-all sleep path. Some babies sleep through the night early. Others wake for cuddles, feeds, or reassurance—and both are normal.

My "I Wasn't Ready" Moment

I wasn't ready for how much guilt would hit me just from trying to be there for my baby. One night, after an especially rough bedtime, I plopped down on the bathroom floor and cried into a rolled-up towel because I didn't want to wake anyone up. I remember thinking, Am I failing because I hold him too much? And right after, But if I don't, I feel even worse. The real mind trip? That even doing something as nurturing as holding your crying baby can feel like the "wrong" thing.

But here's what I've learned: parenting guilt shows up most when we're actually doing something deeply right—but it goes against what we've been taught to believe. If your instinct is to respond, to comfort, to love loudly in the dark hours, that's not weakness—that's attunement.

Nighttime Comfort ≠ Bad Habits

Let's clear this up once and for all: comforting your baby does not cause sleep problems. In fact, trying to force "independent sleep" before your baby is developmentally ready can increase stress—for both of you. According to research from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, consistent, responsive caregiving (yes, even at night) actually supports healthier emotional regulation over time.

Plus, babies' sleep needs fluctuate like crazy during growth spurts, teething, illness, or separation anxiety. Night waking isn't always a "habit"—sometimes it's just development doing its thing.

Gentle Takeaways You Can Actually Use

Here's what I wish someone had told me sooner:

• Your baby waking at night isn't a failure—it's a phase.
• Comforting your baby won't "ruin" their sleep.
• You're allowed to meet your baby's needs and still want sleep.
• You can trust your gut and your baby's cues.
• The goal isn't perfect sleep. It's connection and safety.

Try to let go of timelines and comparisons. Trust that your baby will sleep through the night eventually—and not because you withheld love or contact, but because you showed up every time they needed you. That's what builds resilience, not sleep training stickers or rigid schedules.

We Got This, Mama ❤️

If no one's told you today: you're doing an amazing job. If your baby only sleeps in your arms, or wakes five times a night for snuggles—congrats, you're their safe place. That doesn't mean it's easy. But it does mean you're doing something beautiful, brave, and right.

So go ahead and rock that baby. Hold them close. Answer their cry. You're not spoiling anyone—you're raising a human who knows what it feels like to be seen, soothed, and deeply loved.

We got this. Always.