The "Done List" That Changed My Motherhood

How celebrating your daily wins (big or tiny) can ease the mental load and remind you—you're doing enough

I remember standing at the sink, staring at a pan crusted over with the remains of last night's dinner, baby fussing in the background, my toddler asking the same question for the fifth time. My planner lay open on the counter, mocking me with unchecked boxes. I had written out my to-do list that morning with the best of intentions—grocery run, call insurance, fold laundry, finish a work email—but now, as the day slipped into night, only one task was crossed off. And instead of feeling accomplished, I felt like I was failing. Again.

This wasn't a one-time feeling. I've seen this same heartbreak in the eyes of so many moms I love—in my cousins, my best friend, even the women on Reddit at 2 a.m. who are typing out their overwhelm to strangers just to feel less alone. We're constantly moving, doing, juggling, caring, yet when we lie down at night, what echoes in our minds are the things left undone. The call we didn't make. The playtime we cut short. The patience we lost. We measure our days—and our worth—by what we didn't do.

How a "Done List" Brought Me Back to Myself

One night, after what felt like a week packed into a single day, I sat on the edge of my bed in tears. My chest was tight, my mind noisy with guilt and frustration. But in a rare moment of clarity, I grabbed a pen and scribbled down the things I had done.

• Packed lunch for my partner
• Managed two meltdowns without raising my voice
• Remembered to refill my baby's prescription
• Kissed boo-boos, wiped tears, said "I love you" more than once

That tiny list—scrawled in a notebook with a chewed-up cover—was the first "done list" I ever made. It was imperfect, but it felt like a balm. For the first time in a long while, I saw myself through a lens of grace instead of deficiency. That night, I didn't fall asleep feeling like a failure. I fell asleep feeling human. Capable. Enough.

And that's when everything shifted.

Why the Traditional To-Do List Doesn't Serve Modern Moms

It Centers Productivity, Not Humanity

To-do lists are tools that should support us, not shame us. But for moms, especially those in the thick of early motherhood or balancing work and family, they often do the opposite. These lists focus on output, not effort. And in a life where half our work is invisible—emotional labor, mental load, sensory management—they leave out the heart of what we do.

They Fuel the Guilt Loop

Every unchecked box whispers, "You didn't do enough." And those whispers become internalized until we start questioning ourselves—Am I lazy? Am I disorganized? Why can't I keep up like other moms?

But you are not a machine. You are a mother. And your value cannot be measured by completed tasks alone.

The "Done List" Is a Radical Act of Self-Acknowledgment

It Shifts Focus to Accomplishments

The beauty of the done list is simple: it shines a light on what we've actually done. Not what we forgot, not what we had to postpone—but what we showed up for, often without fanfare or applause.

• Held space for a crying child
• Set a boundary with love
• Answered 12 emails while making dinner
• Said no to something that drained you

Each line becomes a mirror, reflecting your labor, love, and endurance.

It Rebuilds Emotional Connection With Self

When you write down what you've done, especially the things no one sees, you validate your own reality. And that validation is healing. It tells your nervous system, "You're not behind. You're carrying more than most people know." That's not just a mindset shift—it's emotional liberation.

How to Start Your Own "Done List" Ritual

1. Find a Medium That Feels Natural

This isn't about a fancy productivity system. It's about reflection. That could be:

• A small bedside journal
• A note on your phone
• A whiteboard on the fridge
• A sticky note tucked inside your diaper bag

Whatever fits into your life is perfect.

2. Choose a Time That Honors Your Flow

Some moms like to jot things down right before bed, others during nap time or at lunch. A "done list" can take 30 seconds or become a full journal entry. Let it meet you where you are.

3. Include the Invisible Labor

Write down:

• The emotional regulation
• The caretaking
• The patience
• The thinking ahead for everyone else

Because motherhood is built on things no one sees. But you do. So write it down.

Real-Life "Done List" Examples From the Mom Circle

Sometimes, we just need to hear other moms say it out loud.

"Got the baby to nap without the carrier. First time in weeks." —Leila, mom of 1

"Did a full grocery run with no meltdowns. Mine or the kids'." —Rina, mom of 3

"Took 10 minutes to sit in silence. Didn't feel guilty about it." —Ana, first-time mom and teacher

"Apologized to my daughter after snapping. We hugged. We're okay." —Steph, single mom

Sharing our done lists builds community. It says, "I see you, and I'm doing it too."

Turning the "Done List" Into a Family Practice

In our home, we've turned the done list into a ritual. After dinner, we each share one thing we're proud of. My toddler might say, "I helped clean up." My husband might share, "I stayed calm in a tough meeting." And I might say, "I gave myself grace today."

These small acknowledgments build family culture—one rooted in effort, not perfection. Our children learn that what matters most isn't being the busiest, but being intentional, kind, and aware.

From Checklist Chaos to Emotional Clarity

What I've come to realize is this: the "done list" doesn't just help us plan better. It helps us live better. It anchors us in what is true, not what is missing. It helps us move through our days with more gratitude, more softness, and more clarity about our worth.

Because let's face it:

• You're never going to get it all done.
• But what you do get done—often under impossible circumstances—is extraordinary.

Mama, You Are Enough

So the next time your brain tries to replay all the things you didn't finish, pause. Take a deep breath. And write down what you did.

Your done list isn't just a tool.

It's a testament.

To your love. Your energy. Your resilience.

And most of all—to you.