Breastfeeding never quite felt "natural" as I thought it would

Here's what I didn't know.

Why difficulty nursing doesn't make you a bad mom—and how to navigate your way through it.

What I Imagined… and What I Found to Be the Reality

I had this lovely vision of before baby: I would hold my baby and we would latch and nurse and gaze at each other, soul to soul, magical moment and we would have this great start to nursing. All the information I read, all the well-intentioned advice that I received, depicted breastfeeding as something intuitive, nearly effortless. "It's the most natural thing in the world," people would say, with starry smiles. I believed them. I folded that hope in my heart like a promise.

But when the moment finally arrived? It wasn't effortless. It wasn't dreamy. It hurt, was uncomfortable, and frustrating. I fumbled with positions. My baby struggled to latch. Tears filled my eyes — not because the moment was beautiful, but because my nipples felt like they were being stung and because I couldn't help but feel like the biggest failure ever. I thought I was being broken. Wasn't this going to be a piece of cake? Why did it seem so daunting and difficult?

Why Breastfeeding Is Not 'Natural' (Even Though It's Normal)

We are committing a cruel act of mythology on new mothers by telling them that breastfeeding was "just supposed to happen" or that they were going to know what to do or how to do it. We'll tell you the truth: Breastfeeding is an art, one that you and your baby have to figure out together. Yes, it's normal — but so is walking, and that takes a lot of falling down before we finally get the hang of it.

The thing is, as much as our bodies are made to feed our babies, there are outside forces such as latch issues, problems with supply, tongue ties, birth trauma, and pure, utter lack of sleep that can really present some solid challenges. When no one is talking about these possibilities, it's all too easy to internalize struggles as personal failure. But mama, listen to me: your struggles don't mean you are failing. They mean you're human. You and baby are finding your rhythm together, which simply takes time, patience, and a whole lot of grace.

True Tales: You're Not Alone

After I confessed on a mom forum to looking at my phone for hours (hello, 3 a.m. Reddit scroll!) I discovered how universal this experience had been. Over and over, women replied with their own similar stories:

Emily had a little baby who wouldn't latch for days. She wound up only pumping for three months before returning instead to the breast — with help.

Sasha found out her son had a tongue tie that made nursing painful until it was fixed.

Jenna fought low milk supply, and was devastated every time she had to add formula to supplement.

These weren't failures. These were tales of resilience, adaptation and ferocious love. Breastfeeding difficulties are not unusual — they're very common. We simply don't hear about enough of them.

The Emotional Burden of "Should"

If you've struggled with the suffocating pressure of "I should be able to do this," you're far from alone. Such internalized waiting can create a sense of shame, guilt and isolation. It can seep into the tenderest parts of your heart and whisper in your ear that you're not enough. This is the actual weight so many moms carry — and it's heavier than any diaper bag.

What I have witnessed to work — in my own life and in the lives of the countless mothers I've supported — is this: Letting go of the "should" and claiming the "what is." Being there for yourself — and for your baby — exactly as you are is one of the greatest gifts you can give to him and to yourself.

What Helped Me Nurse Easier (and More Forgivingly)

If you're having a tough day, here's what I want you to think of:

Seek Skilled Support Early

Lactation consultants are wizards, I swear. One session can reveal wrong latching issues, milk supply concerns, and personal positioning tricks that can be game changers. Don't wait to ask for help.

Remember That Fed Is Best

Even if it is breastmilk, formula, pumped milk, or whatever combination — you are feeding your baby with love. Full stop. For some of us, the destination is not always what we thought it would be, and that's more than all right.

Protect Your Mental Health

If breastfeeding is doing a number on your mental health, it's O.K. to pivot. Your well-being is just as important to your baby as her nutrition. A flourishing mother brings up a flourishing child."

Allowing Yourself to Mourn Those Expecations

It is O.K. to grieve for the breastfeeding experience you imagined you would have. Honor that loss, and then allow yourself to construct a new story one that is grounded in your desires, not another person's fantasy.

Tune Into Your Instincts

If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't, and if it feels right, trust that too. Your instincts are strong and deserve to be heard, even in a time of noise and opinions.

Trust Your Journey, Mama

Breastfeeding, like so much in motherhood, is not a smooth, predictable path. It twists and turns. Sometimes it's decision time. Sometimes it requires forcefully advocating. Always, it asks for love — and you are rising into love every single day.

Measuring your worth in ounces pumped or minutes latched. It is quantified by the dedication and commitment that you consistently invest in your little one, irrespective of your method of feeding your baby.

For those who have not heard it yet today: You're doing a fantastic job. Your baby is fortunate to have you. And you are not alone.

❤️ Trust your instincts. They are stronger than you think.