I'll Never Do That!

The Parenting Promises We All Break

Before I became a mom, I was full of conviction and certainty. You could've filmed me saying, "Oh, I'd never do that." And I believed it with my whole un-mommed heart. Pacifiers? Nope. TV before age two? Never. Let them sleep in my bed? Not a chance. Formula? Only if absolutely necessary. I read all the right books, listened to all the "expert" podcasts, bookmarked the gentle routines and Montessori-aligned toy lists. I truly thought preparation and good intentions would be enough to keep me on track and make me "one of the good moms."

But then my baby was born. And within weeks, that list of nevers started to unravel like a burp cloth caught in the washing machine agitator. It wasn't just exhaustion—it was the total dismantling of my previous sense of control. Because parenting, it turns out, isn't a performance. It's a process. One that's messy, nonlinear, and deeply humbling. This post is for every mom who had a plan—only to discover that real life laughs in the face of rigidity. If you're feeling shame or guilt about switching gears, trust me: you're not alone, and you're not doing it wrong. You're learning how to parent the child you actually have, not the one in the hypothetical parenting blog of your dreams.

From "Never" to "Now What?": Real-Life Plot Twists

Let me walk you through how fast my "No Way" list turned into a "Yes, and thank you" reality:

• No screen time? The first time my baby had a cold, I was pacing the living room at 3 a.m., rocking him for hours while Bluey looped in the background. I cried harder than he did.
• No pacifier? When colic hit like a freight train, that silicone miracle became the only thing standing between me and a complete breakdown.
• No formula? My milk supply dropped after a bad bout of mastitis, and supplementing wasn't just okay—it was life-saving for both of us.
• No co-sleeping? Try getting up five times a night and still showing up for a Zoom meeting. Eventually, we gave in—and guess what? We all slept.

These aren't horror stories; they're real-life pivots made out of love, exhaustion, and survival. Every time I adjusted, it wasn't because I "gave up"—it was because I tuned in.

Why Moms Make These Promises: Control in the Chaos

So why do we make these "I'll never…" promises in the first place?

Because before the baby comes, those statements give us a sense of control in an otherwise unpredictable future. They're like guardrails to cling to as we prepare for something we can't fully understand. We're bombarded with curated images, clickbait parenting debates, and well-meaning "advice" that suggests there's a right way to do everything—and, by extension, a wrong way.

That's how we end up with rigid preferences and silent judgment toward other moms who "gave in." We tell ourselves, That won't be me. Not out of arrogance, but fear. Fear that if we don't set firm boundaries, everything will fall apart. Spoiler: it still might—but it won't mean you're a bad mom. It'll mean you're in the middle of learning something sacred and hard-earned: flexibility is not failure.

When the Guilt Creeps In (and It Will)

Even after we adapt, guilt creeps in.

You'll wonder if you're doing it wrong. You'll remember a post from a crunchy mom blogger about how pacifiers ruin oral development or how formula fed babies never bond the same way. You'll internalize whispers from relatives or strangers who say "Well, I never had to do that…"

Let me say it clearly: Those voices don't know your life. They don't see your 2 a.m. feedings, your tears in the pediatrician's parking lot, your private Google searches for "how to tell if baby is getting enough milk."

Guilt thrives in the gap between our ideals and our reality. But what if that gap isn't shameful—it's where our parenting wisdom lives? What if letting go is the beginning of being more present?

Breaking Promises = Growing Up (As a Parent)

Every "I'll never" that I bent or broke made me a more aware, more compassionate, more self-trusting mother. Each one gave me:

• Empathy for the mom I once silently judged at Target.
• Adaptability when new challenges popped up overnight.
• Mental clarity from dropping the constant "shoulds."
• Peace that came not from perfection, but presence.

That kind of growth doesn't show up on Instagram. But it shows up in your day-to-day: when your toddler climbs into your lap with peanut butter fingers and calls you "Mama" like it's the highest honor in the world.

Let's Normalize the Pivot

Let's make something crystal clear: changing your mind is not the same as giving up.

You are allowed to switch from breast to bottle, from crib to bed-sharing, from organic to whatever-you-can-get-from-Instacart. You are allowed to discover that what you thought would work… doesn't. Or that it used to work—and now it doesn't anymore. You're not inconsistent. You're evolving.

And mama, that's what parenting is all about.

The Mental Load Moment (That No One Talks About)

We don't just make parenting choices—we calculate them.

We weigh the research, our gut feelings, our child's needs, and the mental/emotional cost to us.

Do you know how exhausting it is to second-guess every bottle, nap, snack, and screen?

To hear "trust your instincts" and "do your research" in the same breath?

We're navigating an invisible workload that few people see. So if you've made a choice you said you'd never make—just to get through the day with love and a little less chaos? That wasn't weakness. That was intelligence.

Here's Your Permission Slip (With Snacks & Sanity)

If your plan changed? Good. It means you're paying attention. It means you're human.

You don't need to explain yourself to your mother-in-law, the internet, or the imaginary ideal mom in your head. You need hydration, a snack you don't share, and maybe a self-care ritual that has nothing to do with anyone else's needs.

You're not failing. You're learning.

You're not inconsistent. You're adjusting.

You're not broken. You're becoming.

So break the promises. Bend the rules. Change your mind.

And pass the remote—Bluey is actually kind of amazing.