When Your Child Prefers Dad

Coping with Mom Envy

Let's talk about the quiet sting that no one preps you for in prenatal class: when your child, the tiny human you grew from scratch, suddenly wants nothing to do with you. Not for bedtime, not for boo-boos, not even for a snack handoff. They want Dad. Only Dad. And you? You're over here with your arms out and your heart a little bruised, wondering if you did something wrong—or if this means something deeper about your bond.

I remember the first time it happened. I had just finished a long day of toddler-wrangling, snack distributing, and "no, we don't lick the trash can" reminders. I was exhausted, greasy, and proud. I'd made it through the day. Then bedtime rolled around, and my toddler took one look at me and screamed, "NO MOMMY. DADDY DO IT." Like I was the hired help who'd overstayed her welcome. My partner looked at me with that panicked "should I step in?" face, and all I could do was wave him toward the crib while I sat on the hallway floor, trying not to cry. I wasn't ready for the rejection—especially from the person who once kicked me from inside my uterus.

You Are Not the Only One

Before you spiral into "Am I a bad mom?" mode, hear this: so many of us have been there. This isn't just your kid. It's not just your house. It's not because you didn't do enough, love enough, play enough. It's a thing. A totally normal, ridiculously painful thing.

I asked around in my mom group chat (aka the Holy Grail of emotional support), and the stories came pouring in:

• One mom was literally mid-diaper change when her kid yelled "DAD!!!" like she was some stranger off the street.
• Another shared that her toddler cried when she picked him up from daycare—he thought Dad was coming and refused to leave the teacher's arms until she FaceTimed him.
• A third confessed that her kid told her, "Daddy is my favorite, but you make good pasta."

Cool cool cool.

Why It Happens (Spoiler: It's Not About Worthiness)

This isn't about who your child loves more. It's about familiarity, novelty, attachment stages, and yes—sometimes your kid just wants a different vibe. If you're the default parent (hi, me too), you're often the one setting limits, managing routines, and juggling invisible mental load tasks while Dad swoops in with a spontaneous dance party or an extra bedtime story.

And guess what? That dynamic can feel fun to a kid. It doesn't mean they value you less. It means you are their constant. And kids, like tiny emotional tornadoes, sometimes turn to what feels new or exciting—even when it's just a change in tone or energy.

Also? Attachment theory reminds us: kids act out and push away where they feel safest. So when they melt down in front of you or push you away, it could mean they feel the most emotionally tethered to you. Yep, that irony cuts deep.

Let's Talk About the Feelings Though

Even though our adult brains get it, our mama hearts still ache. You give everything to this little person—your time, your body, your brain cells—and now you're being treated like the backup quarterback. It's okay to admit it stings.

This phase can stir up:

• Guilt (Am I doing something wrong?)
• Resentment (Why does he get the fun parent title?)
• Shame (Why am I not enough?)
• Loneliness (No one talks about this…)

I see you. I am you. And this is the part where I grab your hand and say: you're allowed to feel all of it. And none of it means you're failing.

So What Can You Actually Do?

Here's what's helped me—and other moms—get through the "Dad's Favorite" saga with sanity and connection intact.

1. Create Your Signature Bonding Thing

You don't need to become a one-woman circus. Just pick one consistent ritual that's yours. Morning snuggles, "Mommy and Me" tea time, bathtub giggle hour. Your thing doesn't have to compete—it just has to be yours.

2. Don't Take the Bait

When your kid screams for Dad, take a breath (a deep one—you know the drill). Try not to take it personally or turn it into a rivalry. You're on the same team. It's not a contest—it's a season.

3. Talk to Your Partner (And Be Honest)

Let them know how this feels, without blaming. Say, "Hey, when they reject me like that, it really hurts. Can we find ways to make transitions more balanced?" Sometimes just naming the sting takes away its power.

4. Protect Your Mental Health

It's okay to take a break, cry in the pantry, journal, vent, or talk to a therapist. If you're constantly being rejected in small ways, it adds up. You deserve space to process that.

5. Zoom Out

This is a moment, not your whole motherhood. They will cling to you again. They'll ask for you when they're sick, scared, or want to know how long spaghetti takes to cook. Your bond is not measured by tantrums or preferences. It's bigger than that.

What This Really Says About You

If you're hurting right now because your child prefers someone else, it's probably because you care so deeply. Because you've invested your heart. Because you're in it.

That makes you an incredible mom—not a forgotten one.

It doesn't feel fair, but it's real. And it will shift. It always does. These little ones, they orbit in weird patterns. But they come back around. Always.