Who Am I Now?

Rediscovering Your Identity After Becoming "Mom"

That "Wait... Who Am I?" Moment

It happens quietly. You're standing in the mirror, your baby finally asleep, and you don't quite recognize the person staring back at you. She's exhausted. She's got spit-up on her sweatshirt. And maybe she used to read books or dance in the kitchen or get excited about indie film festivals—but now? She just wants silence and a hot meal.

Sound familiar?

You're not alone. And no, it's not just hormones or lack of sleep. It's something deeper—a tug-of-war between who you were before motherhood, and the version of you that's emerged after.

Why This Hits So Hard

When a baby arrives, so does an invisible backpack filled with expectations, guilt, and this idea that "good moms" are selfless to the point of disappearance. We glorify burnout like it's a badge of honor. We say things like "I'd do anything for my baby" (and we mean it)—but sometimes that "anything" includes giving up our sense of self.

Behavioral psychology calls this "role engulfment." It's when a single identity (like 'mom') starts to eclipse all the others—friend, partner, creative, professional, you.

Here's the kicker: you can love your child and grieve your old self. That doesn't make you selfish. That makes you human.

3 Things That Helped Me Find Myself Again

Let's be real—I didn't have a magical aha moment where I suddenly "found myself." What I had were tiny decisions that helped me feel a little more like me each day.

1. I Stopped Waiting for Time and Started Taking It

If I waited for a quiet, uninterrupted hour, I'd still be waiting. So I started stealing minutes like a rebel mom on a mission. Ten minutes with coffee and my playlist. Five minutes journaling nonsense. Two minutes to breathe and unclench my jaw. It added up. It mattered.

Mental load moment: I used to feel guilty for "doing nothing." Now I call it resetting my nervous system.

2. I Reconnected With the Stuff That Lit Me Up (Pre-Kid)

I made a list: What made me feel most like myself before baby? Not the Pinterest-worthy stuff, but the soul stuff—writing, laughing with my sister, listening to 90s R&B.

Even if I couldn't do those things every day, just remembering them reminded me I existed before the diaper era. And I'm still in here.

3. I Let Myself Evolve

Here's the twist no one tells you: you're not going back to the "old you." And maybe that's a good thing.

You're wiser now. More resilient. And probably a hell of a lot more empathetic. Letting go of who I used to be allowed me to embrace the woman I was becoming. And she's kinda badass.

Give Yourself Permission to Be More Than "Mom"

You are not a default setting. You are not background noise in your own life. Being a mom is a powerful, beautiful role—but it's not the only one.

So wear the messy bun. Or the red lipstick. Or both. Get curious about yourself. Say yes to what lights you up. Say no (loudly) to what drains you. Let yourself want more than survival.

That's not rebellion. That's self-respect.

A Little Love Note for You

You're not failing—you're unfolding.
You're not lost—you're layered.
You're not selfish—you're still here.

So the next time you hear that inner whisper—"Who am I now?"—I hope you answer boldly:

"I'm someone worth rediscovering."

Now go pour a glass of wine, blast your favorite song, or text a friend who sees the real you. Because she's still in there.

And she's f**king powerful. 💥