Am I Doing Enough? Taking the Stress Out of Milestones as a First Time Mom

Here's what really matters when baby doesn't roll, sit or babble "on time" — and how to stop comparing timelines.

The silent anxiety of milestone watching

You hold your baby, feeling the gentle lilt of their breath, and your thoughts swirl. Should she be more head-up by now? Why isn't he crawling like all those other babies on my feed? One seemingly benign post in a parenting group can unleash a storm of self-doubt. Deep in a Google rabbit hole in the middle of the night, you're comparing developmental charts, wondering if you somehow missed a sign or if you're not doing enough. It's a silent form of panic that seeps into the rhythms of your day — the kind no one tells you about when they give you the milestone pamphlet at your pediatrician's office.

Milestone anxiety is a thing and it's more common than you'd think. In online communities of moms, in Reddit threads, in texts to best friends — mothers are asking quietly whether their baby is "behind," whether they were failing as mothers in some way. The relentless stream of information, updates sharing, posting of side-by-side photos of the baby, and well-meaning advice from relatives serves only to amplify that fear that lurks within. And when you are tired and emotionally raw, those doubts can feel like a fact. But here is what I want you to hear loud and clear, from someone who has stood firm beside so many mothers in these moments: You are not alone. You are not failing. And progress is not a race.

What to Know When Your Child Is Growing

Before we continue, let's ground ourselves in the facts. Developmental milestones are ranges, not hard deadlines, according to the guidelines. Most babies learn to sit up by themselves at around 6–8 months, start to crawl at 7–10 months and are walking by the time they turn one and a half. That's a huge span of time. Why? Since each baby comes with a different nervous system, muscle tone and temperament. And being unique, it doesn't stand up well to pressure or comparison.

Pediatricians frequently refer to milestone charts to assist in early detection of developmental delay, but these charts are not intended as a yardstick of success or failure. The American Academy of Pediatrics, for example, updated its language around what it calls developmental milestones in recent years to widen the ranges in which children should be expected to achieve certain things and to cause less unnecessary concern. Babies who appear "late" on a chart typically grow out of that "late" state with no intervention. Others are attending to other developmental areas, including fine motor skills or verbal cues. Others are biding their time — gaining strength, confidence, interest — on their schedule.

Real Moms, Real Worries: What Reddit (and Your Heart) Say

One Reddit mom said her baby wasn't sitting and staying supported at 8 months, and she was sent "into a complete tailspin." "I keep thinking, 'What did I do wrong?'" she wrote. "Maybe I didn't do enough tummy time, maybe I held him too much. Another mother added that having a late crawler (after her first birthday), didn't stop her daughter from getting up and walking just two weeks later. These are raw, true stories, deeply important and relatable.

What makes them potent isn't the milestones themselves — it's the vulnerability in acknowledging that fear. These confessions go some way toward cracking the facade that we're all supposed to have perfectly developing babies right on schedule. They're a reminder that behind every chart and child-rearing manual there's a mother struggling to get it right, second-guessing herself, longing for reassurance. And more often than not, when these same moms come back to update their posts later on, it's with a sigh of relief — they're here to announce that their baby hit the milestone in their own, sweet time.

Mild Reassuring Symptoms to Monitor (But Not Worry About)

Sure, there are concerns that warrant a thoughtful convo with your pediatrician — and that doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're tuned in. If your baby isn't showing any signs of interest in sitting up, bearing weight on their legs or engaging with you through eye contact or sounds by 9 months, it's worth checking in. But these need to be whispers, not sirens.

If your baby was born before your due date, it's also important to remember adjusted age. A baby delivered 6 weeks early will of course hit her milestones on a different schedule from one born at 40 weeks. Sometimes temperament comes into play — some babies are naturally more cautious, and are more hesitant when it comes time to explore a new skill. That doesn't mean their journey is any less legitimate.

But the most useful measure is to follow trends rather than to panic over a single day. Are they slowly moving ahead? Are they growing in new ways, even gradually? Are they engaging with you? Those are usually better signals than any one skill that was skipped.

How to Reboot Your Inner Voice (and Trust Your Baby)

Milestone charts have their place — but they don't know your baby like you do. Instead of following outside checklists, lean into part-time enthusiasm, soft engagement, and free time to be prey. Your baby's brain is hard-wired to develop. You are wired to nurture. And in releases pressure and adding trust, we make space for growth.

What I've witnessed as being effective over and over again is this: A parent who's there a lot, who reads their baby's cues, who sets up a safe, loving place to grow — that's what matters most. Not the week they rolled over or month they began babbling. The being together is the basis. And when babies feel safe, they thrive in their own way, in their own time.

You're Doing O.K. (Even When It Doesn't Feel Like It)

I know that question lives in your chest: Am I doing enough? It's the pulse of motherhood. But, man, let me tell you this truth: You are. You're loving. You're observing. You're adapting. And even on the slow days, even on the days when you can't see progress, your baby is learning from your calm, from your presence, from you touch.

Let the comparison fall away. Let the to-do lists get dusty for a time. Instead, listen in to your baby's unique beat — and lower your own. That's a more meaningful connection than any milestone.

What I've seen succeed is trust, combined with a little grace. Grace for your babe's travels. Grace for your own. So the next time you feel that fear taking over, hit pause. Breathe. And remind yourself:

Your baby's pace is perfect.

And so is your love.