Every Baby Has Their Own Timeline

Letting Go of Milestone Anxiety

You're scrolling through social media at 2 a.m., one eye half-closed, nursing or rocking your baby who refuses to sleep. Suddenly you see a reel of someone else's baby clapping, signing "milk," or counting to ten in two languages. Or maybe it happens in your mom group when someone casually mentions their 6-month-old is pulling up to stand, and you're still figuring out tummy time without a meltdown. You smile politely, but something tightens in your chest. Should my baby be doing that? Are we behind? You weren't even worried until someone else's kid made you wonder if yours is off schedule.

That creeping doubt? That's milestone anxiety—the silent mental load we carry around like a backpack full of "what ifs." And it's everywhere. Whether it's from tracking apps pinging reminders ("Your baby should be crawling now!"), well-meaning relatives tossing around comparisons ("Oh, your cousin was walking by 10 months!"), or just internal expectations we didn't even realize we had... it adds up. Fast. We start second-guessing ourselves, questioning our parenting, and wondering if we missed something crucial. Did I do enough tummy time? Should we be seeing a specialist? Is it my fault?

And here's the gut-honest truth that gets buried beneath all that noise:

Every baby has their own timeline. And development is not a performance—it's a process.

"Am I Messing This Up?" Let's Talk About That Fear

Let's go there. Because that's the real question under all the milestone talk, right?

Am I doing this wrong?

It's not just about sitting or crawling or pointing at ducks in a book. It's about feeling like your baby's progress reflects on your ability to mother them. If they're not "on time," then what does that say about you? You start running an invisible scorecard:

• Tummy time: Not enough.
• Montessori toys: Didn't order them.
• Speech stimulation: Should I be narrating my every move like a cooking show?

It's exhausting. It's unfair. And it's so common.

Here's what most moms won't say out loud (but I will): milestone anxiety can be isolating. You start shrinking in conversations, avoiding baby groups, or dreading pediatrician visits—not because anything is actually wrong, but because you're afraid they'll confirm your worst fear: that your baby isn't where they "should" be. And by extension, that you're not enough either.

Let me be the first to call bullsh*t on that spiral.

What the Experts Say About Milestones (And Why the Charts Miss the Point)

Developmental charts can be helpful—they give general windows for when skills tend to emerge. But that's all they are: guidelines, not expiration dates. And many of the tools used to track them are based on averages, not a blueprint for your baby specifically.

Here's what Dr. Leigh Gordon, a pediatric psychologist who specializes in early childhood development, shared in a recent interview:

"It's normal for babies to advance in one area while lagging in another. Some are physically adventurous but more reserved with speech. Others are social butterflies who take their time crawling. That's not a delay—it's just development happening in its own rhythm."

Translation? Your baby might not check every box on the chart this month—and that's okay.

Also? These milestones are often influenced by temperament, personality, exposure, culture, and even things as simple as body type or birth history. A baby who was premature may track a little differently than one born full-term. A baby who prefers observing might not rush to stand. A baby who has siblings talking over them might take their sweet time to speak—because why bother?

What's more important than checking boxes is seeing steady progress—your baby gradually adding new skills, staying curious, interacting with you, and showing awareness of their world. If you're unsure, talk to your pediatrician. But don't let social media, comparison, or even that one hyper-competitive parent at daycare send you into panic mode.

The Hidden Emotional Toll: Mental Load Meets Milestone Fear

Milestone anxiety doesn't just come with worry—it drags in a whole storm of emotional labor.

This is the stuff that doesn't show up in baby books. The part where you lie awake wondering if your baby's silence means a future diagnosis. Or where you cry in the car because you saw someone else's kid stack blocks and yours still eats them. It's the overwhelming feeling that you must be missing something. That you're responsible for every synapse your baby builds.

This is emotional burnout disguised as "good parenting."

Here's the truth:

• You're allowed to be concerned without spiraling.
• You're allowed to ask questions without feeling shame.
• You're allowed to trust your instincts and rest in the fact that babies grow at wildly different paces.

It's not your job to make your baby "advanced." It's your job to love them. To notice them. To respond to who they are, not who the milestone chart says they're supposed to be.

When to Actually Worry—and When to Let It Go

Let's make this easier. Here's a real-talk breakdown:

🚩 Talk to your pediatrician if you notice:

• Loss of previously gained skills (e.g., stopped babbling or smiling)
• No social engagement (e.g., no eye contact, no smiling by 3–4 months)
• Very limited movement or floppiness
• No sounds or gestures by 9–10 months
• Your gut says something feels off

✅ Take a deep breath if:

• Your friend's baby crawled at 6 months and yours is scooting at 9
• Someone says their baby said "mama" at 5 months (they probably meant babble)
• The app tells you most babies are sitting by 6 months and yours is wobbly
• You missed some tummy time (it's not all or nothing)

You don't need to fix or force your baby to be on someone else's schedule. That's not the point of parenting. And frankly? Most milestone checklists are written for pediatric screening—not parental self-worth.

The Only Timeline That Matters

Here's what does matter:

• Is your baby engaged?
• Are they curious?
• Are they growing and learning in some direction, even if it's not the textbook path?
• Do you feel connected to them? Seen by your support system?

These are the signs of healthy development—not whether they can roll both ways by six months.

You're not failing if your baby is taking their time. You're not behind if you're nurturing them in ways that don't show up on a growth chart. And you're definitely not alone if this is harder than you thought.

Final Word: Toss the Chart, Keep the Connection

Listen—I know the pressure's real. I've cried in Target because someone else's baby was walking while mine still army crawled. I've questioned myself more times than I can count. But every time I quiet the noise and tune into my actual baby—their gaze, their babbles, their laugh—I'm reminded: we're doing just fine.

Every baby has their own timeline.

Every parent has their own rhythm.

And you? You're doing the hardest, most heart-expanding job there is.

If you needed a sign to stop comparing, this is it.

If you needed a moment of grace, here it is.

And if you need a glass of wine and a hot snack tonight, I fully support that too.

❤️

You've got this. You're not late. You're right on time.