Your Baby Misses a Milestone (And Why That's Totally Fine)

The Quiet Panic We Don't Say Out Loud

In the quiet of new motherhood, there's a gentle type of worry that slinks in—nothing dramatic, just steady. It's the stuff that settles in during 2 a.m. feeds, when you've just spent half an hour googling "when should my baby start rolling over" instead of drifting back off to sleep. It murmurs when a mom I pass on the stroller walk mentions that her baby is already babbling or pulling to a stand. And yet, when we smile and nod our way through this, a question tugs at our hearts: Is my baby behind? Am I doing something wrong?

The white-knuckle desperation many new mothers hide. I've witnessed it waver behind hopeful eyes at well-child checkups, and I've heard it in the nervous lilt of a mama's voice as she wonders aloud, "Is it normal if she's not crawling yet? And here is what I want you to know, mamá: You are not alone, and, more importantly, you are not failing. The milestones that we're taught to obsess over aren't written in stone — they're squishy targets based on averages, not commands. There is not one "right" pace for a child to develop, and our babies aren't on timers. They operate on time lines all their own, rhythms inherited from an ancestral, as well as temperamental, and spiritual past.

Milestones Are Averages — Not Deadlines

The milestones—rolling, sitting, crawling, walking, talking—are determined by what the population averages. They offer useful benchmarks for pediatricians to track trends in growth among large groups of babies, but they were never intended as checklists for individual children. The reality? All babies reach them in their own time, and "late" does not necessarily mean "worrisome."

Let's break that down:

• Sitting up usually occurs between 4 and 7 months. But some babies are content leaning back and watching life unfold from a comfy recline until they are ready to make a move.
• Crawling can happen as early as 6 months or not until 10 or 11 months — and some children never crawl and go right to walking.
• First words can come at 12 months, but if a nonverbal, healthy toddler isn't saying much at 18 months, that's often a reason for concern.

So when we stack our baby's odyssey against what we see in edited images on an app or social media, we're measuring their growth with someone else's ruler. But growth does not happen in a straight line, and the body is not a robot. They are souls encased in little bodies, meandering the world in idiosyncratic ways, no two sets of prints the same.

Honoring Your Child's Rhythm

Have you ever seen a baby pick up a toy in slow motion and then look at it the way a philosopher might? Or witnessed the way they pause before responding to process — silently considering what they've heard? That's their rhythm. And respecting it is one of the most generous acts of trust that you can bestow as a parent.

In most indigenous cultures, growth was watched over with respect and nature. My own tía would always say, "Cada flor abre cuando está lista"—each flower opens when it's ready. No one rushed the bloom. Babies were observed, sung to and kept close, not measured against apps or charts.

So instead of saying "Why isn't my baby doing X yet?" —what if we asked:

• What does my baby do already?
• What ways does my infant demonstrate joy, curiosity, connection?
• What delights them?

This reframing doesn't suggest that we ignore genuine developmental concerns — but it does mean that we stop allowing anxiety to rob us of the joys of watching our babies grow into themselves.

When to Listen to Your Gut (And Ask for Help)

And here, I want to pause for a moment for something crucial: sometimes your intuition might be telling you that something seems off — and that does matter.

You are the person closest to your baby, and you will observe the most. If they're miss most night and every milestone, or something feels off to you about how they look or take in the world, it's totally fine (and smart) to mention it to your pediatrician. You're not being dramatic. You're being deeply attuned.

Intervention can be incredibly powerful, and many services are free or low cost. Seeking support early doesn't mean you are a failure. It means you're present. And in any case, your baby deserves love and acceptance simply as they are — not only for the milestones they master.

Why Comparison Fails (and How to Avoid It)

It might seem like comparing ourselves to others is an intuitive way to see how we're doing — but more often than not, it just erodes our confidence. But we're also tuning the rest out: the temperament of the child, the environment and the unseen struggles behind the post.

Our value as parents is not wrapped up in how soon our baby crawls or how many words they can say at 14 months. It's connected to how loved and (physically) secure they feel and how we attend to their needs.

Let's be honest: that mom with the baby walking at 9 months? She's probably Googling "how to stop baby from climbing everything" right now. We're all working through different timelines — and all of them have their own gifts and burdens.

Tapping into Ancestral Wisdom

Our cultures are replete with intergenerational tales of raising infants with patience and presence. Abuela didn't have apps, milestone trackers or developmental anxiety — she had instinct, ritual and trust.

She kept me close, told me stories, sang me lullabies in Spanish and watched me with knowing eyes. She treasured small signs of progress as holy moments — not boxes to check. In her universe, growth was a dance, not a footrace.

Let's return to that wisdom. Let's see what the aunties and elders recall. Let us ground ourselves in stories of late bloomers who bloomed beautifully, became splendid and strong and fruitful people. Let's tell one another: "It's O.K. Your baby is just born that way."

What You Can Do Today

If you're feeling anxious, here's how to get back to peace:

• Journal your baby's growth — but not just the milestones, the moments of wonder. Did they make new sounds? Try to mimic you? Explore something new?
• Limit comparison triggers. Stop following or mute accounts that leave you feeling "less than" or worried would be good.
• Speak to people you can trust, perhaps mates or elders. Be open about how you feel — you'd be surprised how many parents have felt the same.
• Create connection rituals. They're skin-to-skin, storytime, lullabies, slow mornings — and they're powerful in a way no tracker ever can be.