Everyone Says "Enjoy Every Moment," But I'm Struggling

Navigating the Pressure to Feel Grateful During the Fourth Trimester

"Enjoy every moment. It goes so fast."

Cool, Brenda. I haven't showered in three days, my boobs are leaking through my third nursing bra, and I just cried in the grocery store parking lot because I forgot what day it was and why I even left the house. So no, I'm not enjoying every moment. Some of them suck. Some of them are just survival-mode blur. And here's the thing: that doesn't make me ungrateful — it makes me human.

The fourth trimester (aka the newborn phase + the slow unraveling of your pre-baby identity) is this chaotic combo of love, fear, exhaustion, and weird smells. You're expected to soak in every baby snuggle like it's gold-dusted magic, while also being okay with cracked nipples, 2 a.m. existential dread, and no time to poop alone. And if you're not soaking it all in with a heart full of gratitude? Cue the guilt. Social media, well-meaning relatives, even strangers at Target — everyone loves to remind you how "precious" this time is. But you know what's also real? Feeling like you're drowning in the "preciousness."

You're Not a Bad Mom for Not Loving Every Second

Let's get something straight: You can love your baby and still feel miserable sometimes.

Repeat that. Screenshot it. Tattoo it on your soul. Because so many moms (me included 🙋‍♀️) felt like absolute monsters for admitting that not every moment was magical.

I remember scrolling Reddit at 3 a.m. — shoutout to r/BeyondTheBump and r/PostpartumSupport — just to see other moms say what I was too scared to: "I feel like I'm losing myself." "I thought I'd be happier." "Why is this so hard if it's supposed to be the best time of my life?"

Spoiler: you're not alone. You're not broken. And no, you don't need to force a fake smile through your tears because some stranger said "the days are long, but the years are short." The days are long because you haven't slept and your nipples are basically hamburger meat. The pressure to perform gratitude when you're barely functioning is its own kind of trauma.

What Helped Me Keep It Together (Kinda)

Here's a short list of stuff I tried before crying in the bathtub anyway — but that honestly helped a little:

💡 Things I Tried Before Crying:

• Setting a 15-minute "no baby zone" each day where I watched trash TV and pretended I was still a person
• Texting "SOS" to a friend who gets it (no fixer friends allowed 🚫)
• Muting every influencer who looked too put-together for someone 3 weeks postpartum
• Saying out loud: "This moment is hard, but it doesn't mean I'm failing."
• Letting the dishes rot in the sink because my mental health mattered more

Let Go of the Highlight Reel Mentality

Instagram isn't real life. Those dreamy newborn photos? Taken between baby blowouts and breakdowns. No one's posting their 2 a.m. pumping session in adult diapers while crying over a dropped burp cloth (but hi, here I am 🖐️). Real life looks messy and loud and often smells like spit-up. That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong — it means you're doing it for real.

So here's my gentle, slightly unhinged invitation:

Stop trying to enjoy every moment. Start honoring what you're feeling in the moment.

If it's awe? Beautiful. If it's rage-crying while holding a baby who won't sleep? Still valid.

We Got This — Even When It's a Hot Mess

If no one else says it today: You're allowed to struggle. You're allowed to wish parts of this would hurry up. You're allowed to not enjoy every moment — and still be a good mom. A phenomenal mom, actually.

So the next time someone says, "Oh honey, just enjoy every second," feel free to smile, nod, and mentally reply:

"I'm busy keeping a tiny human alive and not completely losing my mind. That's enough."

You're doing amazing. Messy, beautiful, totally imperfectly amazing.

We got this 💪💕