Sleep Training

When and How to Start

Draya Collins

Draya Collins

Mom Identity Coach & Relationship After Baby Mentor

Publication Date: 06/18/2025

There's a point in the night when you're in the dark and you're on rock No. 3 (or I've already lost count, maybe it's No. 4) with your baby and the rest of the world seems deeply in its slumber. The white noise machine's whir. The creak of the floorboards. Your baby's body weight bearing down on yours. And it's here, in this tender, weary space, that the idea first flickers to life: Time to give sleep training a go?

And there, immediately behind that, What if I mess up?

These aren't just passing questions. They are bearing the burden of your hope, your exhaustion, your love and your anxiety about possibly missing a crucial signal.

Sleep training can be an emotional maze. On the one hand, there's the desperate need for some rest — for something that might resemble routine, for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, for a chance to pause and gather your thoughts. On the other, the ache in your chest when they cry, the questions spinning around the concepts of attachment, development and whether your needs also matter right now.

This is not just about sleep — this is about identity, about listening to your gut when the parenting world seems divided between "cry it out" and "never let them cry." And during the fourth trimester — that foggy, delicate postpartum period — it can be easy to believe that every choice carries impossible, weighty significance.

You are not alone. And you're not wrong for asking the question. And, most of all, you deserve sleep and softness.

Honoring the Season You're In

The fourth trimester isn't just an extension of pregnancy — it's a metamorphosis in its own right. Sure, you're learning your baby, but you're also meeting yourself as a mother for the first time. Your hormones are changing, your body is recovering — and your brain is adjusting to a new normal that doesn't yet have a name. Within that, sleep is a need and a puzzle.

If your baby doesn't sleep "through the night" at this age, it's O.K. It doesn't have to resonate with you, either. Newborns are hard-wired to wake. They need to eat frequently, need warmth, need reassuring that the world outside the womb is still safe. A baby who wakes is not broken. But neither is there anything wrong with a mother who's ready to establish a rhythm — for her baby and for herself.

What Is Sleep Training, Really?

Let's take the fear out of the term "sleep training." It doesn't translate into harsh schedules or leaving your baby alone. It's just about nudging your child toward more predictable sleep, and the method — and mind-set — that aligns best with your family.

Tactics for sleep training fall along a spectrum from ultra-gentle to more regimented. There's no "right" way. Only what resonates with your baby's temperament, your values, and your capacity right now. Here are several such common tactics, explained with compassion and clarity:

Sleep training methods illustrated in an open book

Pick-Up/Put-Down Method

What it is: The baby is set down awake and is given a few minutes (5-10) to cry before picking him or her up. It's tactile and it respects your baby's desire for touch while gently encouraging a little bit of self-soothing.

Best for: Parents who are committed to remaining highly responsive while encouraging some independent sleep over time.

Timeframe: Progress is often gradual. It may take several weeks.

Emotional Load: High-touch, high-patience. It's especially effective when you're not already sleep-deprived to the point of madness.

Ferber Method (Graduated Extinction)

What it is: With this method, you let your baby cry for longer and longer periods of time before you go in to comfort her. You soothe without picking them up, and teach them to fall asleep on their own.

Perfect for: Parents who are emotionally prepared to hear some crying and are looking for quicker results.

When it works: Can work usually in 3–7 nights.

Emotional Load: Very potentially difficult to begin with. Ensure both parents (if applicable) are aligned.

Chair Method

What it is: Also called "sleep fading," this approach involves sitting next to your baby's crib and inching a chair farther away each night. You're there but slowly backing away.

Good for: Babies with high attachment needs; parents who are seeking a middle-of-the-road option.

Duration: An average 2–3 weeks to shift over.

Emotional Load: Slower pace, more emotionally gentle for many parents.

No Formal Training

What it is: Some families opt out of structured sleep altogether, instead following their baby's natural rhythms or participating in safe bedsharing/cosleeping.

Best for: More flexible families or those whose cultural or community practices support responsive sleep.

Timeframe: Varies widely.

Emotional Load: Nighttime parenting is more intense longer, but more natural for some.

When (and If) to Begin Sleep Training

Most pediatricians recommend waiting until your baby is 4–6 months old to begin to implement structured sleep training, which allows babies plenty of time to develop circadian rhythms and memories to self-soothe. But age isn't the only measure for whether you are ready.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I emotionally compatible with the method I'm thinking about?
  • Will I need a bit of hand holding in the transition?
  • Is this consistent with my baby's nature and our values?

And remember, you always have the option to give it a shot, take a break and then give it a shot again.

Mother holding sleeping baby in warm nighttime lighting

Stories from the Night

"I always thought I had to wait until she was 6 months, but at 5 months she started showing signs of readiness — longer stretches, rubbing her eyes. We did the chair method and it was a process, but she began to be able to fall asleep calmly by herself." —Elise, mom of one

"I couldn't stand to listen to him crying, but after 3 tough nights of the Ferber method, he started sleeping 7 hours straight. First came guilt, then relief, then peace. We were all better rested." —Riley, single mom

"No training here. We did responsive night parenting and shared sleep until 11 months. It was difficult, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We all felt connected." —Mira, second-time mom

These aren't prescriptions. They're windows on to real decisions, taken with love and intention.

Gentle Reminders

  • There is no sleep gold medal.
  • You can change your mind.
  • You're not selfish for needing to get some sleep.
  • Wishing to respond to every sob doesn't make you "soft."

You are finding your way. One evening, one nap, one sprig of trust at a time.

You Are Still Whole

Life is not just surviving the fourth trimester, you are mothering with intention even amidst the unknown. It's not your sleep, baby. The choices you make tonight don't have to elide the ones you make indefinitely.

Allow yourself grace to experiment, rest, re-begin and recalibrate.

You are no less of a whole, even when you're so tired.

You should have sense enough to pick and pitch your own key.

You are both learning each other — and that is sacred work.

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