Is My Baby the Only One Not Sleeping?

You're Not Failing, Mama

It's 3:07 AM. Again.

You're sitting in the dim glow of a hallway nightlight, your shirt damp from a cluster feed, your baby snuggled into your chest but still resisting sleep with every squirm and grunt. The silence of the house is deafening, except for the rhythmic creak of the glider and the occasional soft whimper that makes your heart flutter. You're exhausted—mentally, emotionally, physically—and so you do what many of us do in the quiet dark: you pick up your phone and search for signs that you're not alone.

Maybe you find yourself scrolling through Reddit threads, parenting forums, or comment sections under sleep consultant reels. And there it is—dozens, sometimes hundreds, of desperate messages from other mothers whisper-typing their fears into the void:

"My 7-week-old is still waking every 90 minutes—what am I doing wrong?"

"Why does my baby only sleep in my arms?"

"Everyone says I need to let him cry it out, but it doesn't feel right. Am I weak?"

Reading these messages is like looking into a mirror you didn't know existed. You feel relief—someone else gets it. But also shame, comparison, confusion. And the deeper you scroll, the more one question seems to rise above the rest: Is my baby the only one not sleeping?

Closely followed by: Am I already failing at this?

Let me pause here and hold your hand through the screen. Mama, you are not failing. You are in the thick of something sacred and hard and wildly misunderstood. And above all—you are not alone.

The Lie of the "Good Sleeper"

It's easy to think there's some elusive badge called "good baby" handed out to the ones who sleep through the night by 8 weeks, nap independently, and never fuss during a feed. You see them on Instagram—peaceful, swaddled cherubs posed beside wooden milestone cards that read "8 hours last night!" or "slept through at 6 weeks."

But here's what they don't show you: every baby is wired differently. Sleep isn't a race, and there is no finish line you're supposed to cross by a certain week. In fact, infant sleep is one of the most misunderstood areas of early parenthood, largely because of outdated cultural expectations and a lack of honest public discourse.

Here's the truth: sleep in the early months is fragmented, unpredictable, and biologically normal. Your baby's circadian rhythm is still developing. Their nervous system is immature. And their need for closeness? It's a survival mechanism, not a sign of manipulation or failure.

So no, your baby isn't broken. And neither are you.

Why It Feels So Much Harder at Night

There's something about nighttime that magnifies everything—the fears, the comparisons, the feelings of "not enough." When the world goes quiet and the distractions fade, you're left with your thoughts and the rawness of being needed every single moment. Add sleep deprivation to the mix, and those thoughts can spiral fast.

From a psychological standpoint, this is what's called cognitive distortion. It's when your brain—strained by exhaustion—starts telling stories that feel real but aren't rooted in truth. You might think:

• "I'll never sleep again."
• "My baby hates sleep and it's my fault."
• "Other moms have it together and I'm drowning."

These thoughts are not your fault. They're what happens when your nervous system is frayed and your mind is trying to protect you from uncertainty. That inner voice that says you're not doing enough? It's not truth—it's fear dressed up as fact.

What I've Seen Work: Sleep Support That Honors Both of You

Let's talk about practical ways to support both your baby's sleep—and your emotional wellness—without falling into the trap of rigid routines or comparison culture. These aren't fixes. They're invitations to soften into trust, rhythm, and grace.

1. Embrace Rhythms Over Schedules

Newborns don't operate on clocks—they respond to cues. Instead of rigid sleep training in the early weeks, focus on patterns: dimming lights in the evening, offering consistent comfort, and using calming sensory signals (like white noise or a warm bath). This helps anchor their body's internal clock without pressure.

2. Co-Regulation is Powerful (and Necessary)

Your baby's ability to regulate stress and sleep is built through connection. When you hold them, rock them, respond to them—you're not creating bad habits. You're wiring their brain for security. And that is a long-term gift, even if it feels exhausting in the short term.

3. Make Space for Your Own Nervous System

You matter too. One minute of deep breathing while your baby cries in a safe crib can help you return more regulated. Try grounding techniques: hold a warm mug, hum a lullaby, put your feet flat on the floor and breathe. This isn't indulgent—it's survival.

4. Stop Measuring Yourself by the Sleep Tracker

Sleep apps and smart monitors can be helpful—but they can also fuel obsession. If tracking makes you anxious, take a break. Your intuition is more powerful than any data point. Trust it.

5. Find Community (Even at 3 AM)

Loneliness thrives in silence. Join a postpartum support group, DM a mom friend, or revisit those late-night threads with a new lens: these are your people. You don't have to pretend everything's okay. You're allowed to say: "This is hard. I need support."

You Were Made for This

Mama, I need you to hear me: just because something is hard doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. The fact that you care this much? That you question, worry, search for answers? That means you're showing up. That means you're loving.

The world may not always see the invisible labor of night feeds, body aches, whispered lullabies, or pacing the hallway with burning eyes—but I do. And more importantly, your baby does.

They feel your love, even when they can't sleep. They feel your presence, even in your doubt. And one day, they'll know how fiercely they were held—how deeply they were loved—even in the dark.

A Nighttime Mantra to Hold You

Here's one last thing for those midnight moments when your heart aches and your hands are tired: