How to Advocate for Yourself During Labor

You can have a birth experience that feels respected and supported—here's how to find your voice when it matters most

If you're quietly worried that you'll freeze up during labor, you're not alone. It's a fear I hear from moms all the time, especially first-timers. You might wonder: What if I forget what I want? What if the staff ignores me? What if I feel pressured into something I'm not sure about? These aren't silly fears—they're valid, deeply human concerns. And in a setting that's fast-paced and clinical, it's normal to feel intimidated, especially if you've never been in a hospital environment or felt dismissed in medical settings before.

Labor is raw. It's intense. It's often unpredictable. But that doesn't mean you don't get a say in how it unfolds. In fact, feeling respected and heard during your birth experience has long-term emotional and mental health benefits. Moms who feel involved in the decision-making process—regardless of how their birth goes—report higher satisfaction, more confidence in their postpartum recovery, and even reduced risk of birth trauma. This blog is here to walk you through the "how." How to prepare, how to make your needs known (even if you're not usually outspoken), and how to surround yourself with people who will advocate alongside you.

Because here's the truth: advocacy isn't about confrontation—it's about clarity, support, and confidence. Let's walk through how to find your voice, even if it trembles.

1. Start by Naming the Fear (You're Not Alone)

The first step in finding your voice is admitting you're afraid to use it.

Say it with me: "I'm scared I won't speak up during labor."

Acknowledging this fear doesn't mean you're weak—it means you're paying attention. You're thinking ahead. You care about your experience. And that matters. Naming the fear takes away some of its power. It shifts it from a vague worry into something you can actually plan for. And you're not the only one feeling this way.

In fact, this very topic—"how do I speak up during labor?"—comes up constantly in online communities like Reddit, Peanut, and birth forums. From deeply personal stories to panicked late-night posts, thousands of women express the exact same concern. And often, it's not just fear of pain or medical complications—it's the fear of being invisible in the room. Of being talked over. Of not being given the chance to pause, breathe, and think. That fear is real. But here's the empowering part: you can build a toolkit now that will help you feel grounded and heard in the moment.

2. Make a Birth Plan That's Clear, Flexible, and Values-Based

A strong birth plan doesn't predict the future. It communicates your values.

Think of it like a compass—not a script. It lets your birth team know what matters to you most. Not just "I want an epidural" or "I want delayed cord clamping"—but why. The "why" behind your choices helps your team advocate for you when things shift.

Include:

• Pain management preferences (what you're open to or want to avoid)
• Monitoring and mobility (continuous vs. intermittent fetal monitoring)
• Preferences for pushing (positions, coached vs. instinctive)
• Immediate postpartum choices (skin-to-skin, delayed cord clamping, feeding)
• Cultural, religious, or personal values that should be honored

Practical Tip:

Keep your birth plan to one page, and use bullets. You can download printable templates from trusted sites like Evidence Based Birth or Childbirth Connection. Share a copy with your provider around 36 weeks, and pack 2-3 extras in your hospital bag.

Pro insight: Include a "what to do if things change" section. This shows your team that you're thoughtful and flexible—two things that make communication smoother in real-time.

3. Choose the Right Support Team—And Prep Them Well

Who's in the room with you matters so much.

Whether it's your partner, a sister, a friend, or a doula, you need someone who:

• Knows your preferences
• Understands what matters to you emotionally (not just medically)
• Can speak up with calm confidence if you can't

A good support person doesn't need to be a birth expert. They need to be a steady, loving presence who will hold the line for you. Teach them about your birth plan, talk through what-ifs, and practice phrases they can use on your behalf. For example:

• "She's requested a few minutes to decide before moving forward."
• "Can we talk through alternatives to Pitocin?"
• "This isn't urgent, right? She'd like to try a new position first."

If you're hiring a doula, interview with your gut. The right doula is one who makes you feel calm, seen, and respected—and has a track record of helping clients navigate hospital births with confidence.

4. Learn the "BRAIN" Acronym for In-the-Moment Decisions

This is one of the most powerful advocacy tools you can carry into your labor. When a provider suggests an intervention (like starting Pitocin or breaking your water), take a breath and walk through:

• Benefits – What are the benefits of this intervention?
• Risks – What are the potential risks or side effects?
• Alternatives – Are there other options we can try first?
• Intuition – What is my gut telling me?
• Nothing – What happens if we wait or do nothing right now?

Using BRAIN helps you press pause on medical momentum. It brings everyone back to center and gives you a moment to make an informed, empowered choice—even in high-intensity moments.

Practice this acronym with your support person in advance. Even writing it on an index card and placing it in your birth bag can help.

5. Use Simple, Grounding Phrases to Reclaim Your Voice

When you're in active labor, the last thing you want is to debate policy or explain your preferences in detail. You won't need a monologue—you just need a few clear, practiced phrases that do the heavy lifting for you.

Here are some to keep in your pocket:

• "Can I have a minute to think about that?"
• "I'd like to try something else first."
• "I don't feel comfortable with that—what are my options?"
• "What's the urgency? Is this an emergency?"

These simple lines slow things down. They gently remind your team that you're part of the conversation, not just a patient to manage.

6. Remember: Self-Advocacy Doesn't Mean Going It Alone

There's a myth that advocating for yourself means being strong, assertive, and totally in control the whole time. But here's the truth: self-advocacy is a team sport.

It's not about doing it all alone. It's about surrounding yourself with people who know your voice, your story, and your heart—and letting them carry the message when you can't.

You can cry. You can go quiet. You can focus completely on the waves of labor. That doesn't mean you've lost your voice. Your preparation speaks volumes, even when your lips don't.

7. After Birth: Reflect with Love, Not Judgment

Birth is never one-size-fits-all. It unfolds uniquely for every woman. After your baby arrives, give yourself the grace to process your experience. Not to pick it apart—but to own your story.

Ask yourself:

• Did I feel supported?
• When did I feel most in control?
• What helped me stay grounded?
• What would I do differently next time?

This isn't about "getting it right." It's about honoring the effort you made to show up, speak up, and care deeply about your experience. That effort matters. You deserve to feel proud of it—no matter how the story played out.

Final Words: Your Voice Is Enough

What I want you to hear, more than anything, is this:

You don't have to shout to be powerful. You don't need to be perfect to be respected. You already deserve to be heard—just as you are.

Your voice, even quiet, is enough. Your intuition is enough. The love you carry for your baby is enough.

And when the moment comes, you will know more than you think. You will rise to meet it. And we'll be right here, cheering you on.