It's OK to Be Scared

Why Owning Your Birth Fears Makes You Stronger

Here's something no one puts in the cute trimester-by-trimester checklist: what to do with the fear. Not the fear of forgetting to install the car seat or pack your hospital bag (though, yeah, that's real too). I'm talking about the deep, rattling, uninvited thoughts that sneak in when the house is quiet and Google isn't cutting it anymore:

What if something goes wrong? What if I panic during labor? What if I can't do this?

Most of us aren't afraid to admit we're tired or bloated. But say "I'm scared of giving birth" out loud, and suddenly the energy shifts. We get hit with "but you're strong" or "your body knows what to do." And while those statements might come from love, they can unintentionally shut down the conversation we actually need to have. So instead, we scroll Reddit at 2 a.m. reading threads of anonymous women quietly confessing the fears they don't feel safe saying out loud. There's guilt, shame, even embarrassment—as if fear makes you less of a mom. But here's the truth: fear doesn't make you fragile. It makes you honest. And being honest about what scares you might be one of the strongest things you can do to prepare for birth.

Why We Hide Our Fear—And Why It Backfires

Let's unpack why so many expectant moms feel like they need to keep their birth anxiety locked down.

There's this weird cultural pressure to "manifest" positivity throughout pregnancy. You've probably heard it: "Don't even think about what could go wrong." "You attract what you focus on." Or the classic: "Women have been doing this forever." Cool. But knowing someone else has done it doesn't make your specific fears any less valid—or less loud.

This avoidance approach, while well-intentioned, can actually backfire. When we stuff down fear instead of addressing it, our bodies interpret it as unresolved threat. The stress lingers. Our nervous systems stay activated. You might feel physically tense, emotionally volatile, or mentally checked out—even if nothing is "technically" wrong. It's not because you're weak. It's because unprocessed fear doesn't just go away. It gets stuck.

The Psychology of Why Naming Fear Works

Let's get nerdy for a second: There's a concept called "affect labeling," which basically means naming what you're feeling. In several neuroscience studies, when participants labeled their emotions—"I feel anxious," "I feel afraid"—it reduced activity in the brain's fear center (the amygdala) and increased activity in the prefrontal cortex (your logic + reason HQ).

In other words, when you say "I'm scared of tearing during birth," your brain shifts from panic to problem-solving. You've now named the beast. You've started to tame it.

This isn't woo-woo stuff. This is brain science.

And the beautiful thing? It's free. It's accessible. It doesn't require a hypnobirthing certification or 37 hours of podcast prep. You don't even have to "fix" the fear right away. Simply naming it starts the healing.

What Birth Fears Really Mean

Here's something I want you to remember: underneath every fear is a value. You're not just "afraid" of something—you're protecting something. Let's reframe:

• "I'm scared of labor pain" → You value comfort, control, and being supported.
• "I'm scared of a C-section" → You value agency, preparation, and knowing your options.
• "I'm scared I won't bond with my baby" → You deeply care about connection and being a good mom.

See the pattern? Your fears are pointing toward what matters most to you. When you look at them like that, you can start building a plan that supports those values, instead of pretending the fear doesn't exist.

Chloe's Practical Plan: How to Make Friends with Your Fear

Look, I'm not here to tell you to "just breathe" or "trust your body" unless you want to hear that. Instead, here's a real-deal checklist to help you work with your fear—not against it.

• 1. Brain Dump Your Worries (No Filter)
  Grab a journal, a notes app, a voice memo—whatever. Dump out every birth-related fear you've got, even the "irrational" ones. This isn't about fixing, just unloading.
• 2. Find a Listener (Not a Fixer)
  Choose one person you trust—a therapist, midwife, best friend—who won't talk over your fears or try to solve them immediately. Just someone who can hold space. If you don't have that IRL, try communities like Birth Hour or Evidence-Based Birth forums.
• 3. Label + Reframe
  For each fear, write down:
  What am I afraid of?
  What value is underneath this fear?
  What would help me feel more supported around it?
  Even if you never do anything beyond this step, you've already lessened fear's grip.
• 4. Choose 1–2 "Calm Anchors" for Birth
  This might be a playlist, a scent, an affirmation, or a comfort item. Choose things that signal safety to your body. (Bonus: pack them in your hospital bag.)
• 5. Build a Team That Respects Your Fears
  Your OB or midwife should never minimize your concerns. If they do? Red flag. You deserve care that validates and supports your emotional well-being, not just your vitals.

Bonus: My Biggest Registry Regret (So You Don't Repeat It)

Real talk? I spent hours reading Amazon reviews for diaper bags. But I didn't spend ten minutes preparing emotionally for what labor might feel like. I thought if I ignored the fear, it'd go away. It didn't.

What helped? A $7 notebook, a few therapy sessions, and one honest convo with my OB where I flat-out said:

"I'm scared. Can we talk through what might happen if XYZ?"

Game-changer.

If I had a do-over, I'd add "emotional birth prep" to my registry:

• A session with a perinatal therapist
• A workbook like Mindful Birthing
• Access to a trauma-informed childbirth class

Those things gave me real confidence—way more than the bottle sterilizer I never opened.

Final Words: You're Allowed to Be Scared and Ready

Let's stop pretending fear and strength are opposites.

They coexist. And when you face your fears head-on, you're not only stronger—you're smarter, more resourced, and more in control of your experience.

So if you're reading this and whisper-thinking "me too," I want you to say this to yourself:

"I'm scared, and I'm still showing up. I'm allowed to feel fear and still prepare with power."

You've got this—fear and all.