You Don't Even Look Pregnant
Why That Comment Messed With My Head
It was a Tuesday. I was exactly 18 weeks pregnant, exhausted from pretending I still enjoyed decaf, and trying not to Google "normal second trimester symptoms" for the third time that morning. I was standing by the breakroom coffee pot when a coworker—smiling, genuinely friendly—said the words I wasn't prepared to hear: "Wow, you don't even look pregnant!"
My face smiled, but inside I completely spiraled. I felt like I had just failed some kind of unspoken pregnancy milestone. I'd been waiting for the moment when the world would look at me and see it—see the baby, the transformation, the shift in my identity. And instead, I felt invisible. The worst part? It wasn't just her. It was the barista. My aunt. Random neighbors. All saying it like a compliment, not realizing it felt like a quiet erasure of everything I was going through.
The Weird Mind Trip of the "Invisible Bump"
Here's the thing they don't tell you about the second trimester: You might feel pregnant as heck—the mood swings, the hunger, the wild dreams—but not look pregnant enough for the world to notice. And in a culture that equates bump size with "realness," it can seriously mess with your head.
I spent weeks scrolling Reddit threads at 2 a.m., finding posts from other moms saying the same thing:
"I'm 20 weeks and no one can tell. I feel like I'm faking it."
"Is something wrong with me? Shouldn't I look more pregnant by now?"
"I just want someone to ask me when I'm due."
I wasn't ready for that deep craving for visibility. I didn't expect my self-worth to feel tied to the size of my belly. And I definitely didn't think a throwaway comment from a barista could send me into a tailspin.
The Need to Be Seen
Let's be real: Pregnancy isn't just physical, it's identity-shifting. Your whole world is changing, and you want people to see that—to validate it. So when they don't? It can feel like you're walking through this monumental transformation totally invisible.
I caught myself dressing in tighter clothes just to make the bump pop. Standing sideways in mirrors. Overanalyzing every selfie. Honestly? It felt like high school body image issues had RSVP'd to my pregnancy party.
Everyone Carries Differently (Yeah, Even You, Comment Section Karen)
The truth is, pregnancy shows up in different ways on different bodies. Some moms pop early. Some don't show until month six. Some never get that Instagram-round bump, and guess what? All of it is normal.
But no one says that out loud when you're quietly wondering if your uterus is broken.
So here's your official reminder:
- You are not less pregnant because your bump is small.
- You are not doing it wrong.
- You are allowed to feel weird, proud, confused, and everything in between.
What Helped Me Get Out of My Head
If you're stuck in the invisible bump spiral, here are a few things that helped me:
- Talking about it. I texted a friend who's a mom, and she said she cried when a stranger told her she looked "bloated, not pregnant." We laughed and cried. 10/10 recommend mom group therapy.
- Documenting the little stuff. Even if you don't have a bump pic you love, journal how you're feeling. Screenshot that wild craving. Record your baby's first little flutter. Proof that things are happening inside, even if the outside hasn't caught up.
- Reminding myself: My body knows what it's doing. Just because strangers can't see it, doesn't mean it's not real. This baby is growing. My body is making literal organs. Like, come on.
We Got This
If no one's told you today: You're doing amazing. Whether you're barely showing or already waddling, your pregnancy is valid, beautiful, and unfolding exactly the way it needs to.
You are not alone.
You are not invisible.
You're just on your own wild, beautiful timeline.
And girl? We got this. 💕